Until Then
by indigoskylar
Summary: The following story is a one-shot, open-ended alternative telling of what could have happened immediately after Episode 16 (Not Just a Pretty Face) of the fourth season of Suits. This is for all the Darvey fans out there who still believe in the Donna and Harvey relationship.


_SPOILER WARNING: If you haven't seen season 4 of Suits and don't want to be spoiled, stop reading now._

* * *

Donna fought back tears and held her head high as she walked away from Harvey's office. She could feel him staring after her in shock. It's all been done. She finally told him she's leaving him to work for Louis. It was a difficult and painful decision to make – a decision that she agonized over for a few days before eventually making up her mind. But she finally did it.

She took a deep breath as she inched closer to Louis' office down the hall about 50 feet away from Harvey's. The hallway was dim and deserted. It was almost eight in the evening. The empty offices at Pearson Specter Litt seemed to echo the emptiness she felt inside. Donna was a tangle of raw emotions at that moment but she forced herself to be in cool composure. She hurried along and peered through the clear glass walls of Louis Litt's office – the law firm's newest named partner. Louis was still in his office, poring over some documents on his lap as he leaned back in his chair.

She knocked on his closed glass door before entering. Louis looked up and smiled as soon as he saw her enter his office.

"Donna! I thought you left for home already," he greeted her.

"I'm about to. But can I talk to you for a few minutes? I need to tell you something," she replied.

"What is it?"

He motioned for her to sit down on a chair across his desk. She shook her head and continued to stand not far from him.

"I've changed my mind. I'm accepting your offer. I'll be your new secretary," she said, her voice calm and collected.

"What? Seriously?" Louis' eyes widened. He couldn't believe what he's hearing.

She nodded.

"Oh my God, Donna. That's great!" He tossed the documents on his desk and quickly went over to her with a grin on his face.

He hugged her with glee. Donna forced a weak smile and hugged him back.

"So what did Harvey say? I didn't think he would actually let you go. How did you ask him?" Louis asked as he pulled away.

"Oh, I didn't ask— I just… I told him…" she broke off, her voice finally breaking.

Donna struggled with her emotions and tried to remain calm. Louis noticed the hurt expression on her face as she tried to mask the pain she felt.

"Donna, what's wrong?"

He peered at her face with concern.

Donna couldn't hold it any longer. She clamped her mouth with a hand and finally burst into tears.

"Donna…" Louis managed to say, looking surprised.

She sobbed against his chest as he held and consoled her.

He didn't know for sure if Donna was crying because she left Harvey or because of something else.

He fished out a handkerchief from the pocket of his pants and gently handed it to her.

She took it from him and wiped her tears away.

"Wanna tell me what's bothering you?"

"I… Harvey… he…" she sobbed while trying to form words. She started hating the fact that she lost her composure and broke down in front of Louis. The last thing she wanted was to cry about Harvey while still at the firm. Anyone could possibly see her, including Harvey.

Louis nodded wordlessly. He guessed that much. But he didn't know the whole story. Louis gently guided her towards a sofa not far from where they're standing. He sat down beside her while she wiped the tears from her face. He hated to see his friend looking so hurt.

Through his gentle prodding, Donna told him everything that happened that fateful night with Harvey at her apartment. How she felt when Harvey said those three little words she longed to hear. But it was all for nothing. It was like the gates to her heart had been opened and the feelings she'd been keeping in check for the past few days came rushing out. Words came tumbling out of her mouth as she told Louis about her confrontation with Harvey in his office after that night at her apartment and the hurtful words he said.

"I love him," said Donna softly, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I have always loved him. But he couldn't… he wouldn't say… And I just can't pretend that nothing happened between us that night – that he didn't say those words to me. I can't go back to the way it was – the way we were before. I have to leave him," she said tearfully.

Louis could only shake his head in sadness and disappointment. He cared about her as a friend and hated to see her this way. He's disappointed with Harvey. He couldn't believe that Harvey wouldn't want to be with someone as amazing as Donna.

"Harvey is an idiot for saying those words to you! I can't believe he strung you along. I said it before and I'll say it again. Harvey didn't know how lucky he was to have you," he said.

He took her hand and gave it a soft squeeze.

"Look Donna, you know I've always wanted you to be my secretary but… are you sure this is what you want? Maybe you can take a couple of days off and think this through," said Louis.

Donna straightened her shoulders and tried to look brave.

"I'm decided, Louis. This is what I want," she answered firmly.

Louis stared at her for a few seconds then sighed.

"Very well, then. You can start working for me tomorrow."

She nodded and stood up.

"Are you gonna be okay? Do you need a ride home?" he asked as he stood up.

"I'll be fine, Louis. I got this," she told him reassuringly. But it was more like she was reassuring herself.

Taking a deep breath, Donna left Louis' office and headed back to her cubicle to get her bag. When she returned, Harvey was no longer in his office.

* * *

Harvey was still reeling in shock. After Donna left his office, he felt like someone had punched him in the stomach. He couldn't breathe. He felt a sharp pang in his chest. Her last words to him were still ringing in his ears:

"I love you, Harvey."

That's what she said shortly before walking away from him and out of his office – and possibly out of his life. Even if she didn't say those words, he already knew. He knew for a time that she loved him. He just chose to ignore it. But it wasn't those three words that hurt him. It was when Donna told him that she's leaving him as his secretary to work for Louis. He didn't see it coming. He always thought Donna would never leave him. But she just did.

And now he stood in the middle of his office not knowing what to do. He looked like a man who had just lost everything. His knees started to buckle. Weakly, he leaned onto the nearest chair. A part of him wanted to chase after her and convince her to stay. But how could he? What could he say? Words were already said between them before that eventually led to this very moment. He might make things worse if he chase after her.

Harvey suddenly felt like the walls of his office were closing in, forcing him to make a decision. But he couldn't think straight. He had to get out of there. Mustering strength, he quickly went out of his office and out of the building.

* * *

The next morning, Harvey stood in front of a mirror in his bedroom lacing his tie with a heavy heart. He looked like he hasn't had any sleep. He spent the rest of the night driving aimlessly around the streets of Manhattan, not knowing where to go or what to think. And now he didn't really feel like going to work. Memories from last night were still fresh in his mind and it still hurt. Truth be told, he didn't want to be there when Donna clears her cubicle and moves to Norma's old work desk. It would be too much to bear. But he had to be at the office today to take care of a few important things. So with a heavy heart, he put on his dark gray suit and headed for the door.

His feet felt like lead when he walked towards his office at Pearson Specter Litt. It was still early and as he passed by Donna's cubicle, he could see that she wasn't in yet. He glanced at her desk. All her things were still there. He quickly went inside his office. He was supposed to visit a client this morning but now changed his mind. Instead, he took a folder from his desk then turned and went out.

Mike just arrived in his office when Harvey walked in. He was whistling merrily while sitting at his desk sorting through a pile of documents when his face broke into a grin as soon as he saw Harvey.

"Harvey! I've got some good news to tell you," said Mike cheerfully. He was eager to tell him about his engagement with Rachel.

"That can wait," replied Harvey curtly.

"Right now I want you to study this case and draw up an initial proposal. I want it ready on my desk by this afternoon," said Harvey briskly, tossing the folder onto Mike's desk.

"Uh… okay," answered Mike in bewilderment. He immediately sensed that Harvey was in a bad mood.

Harvey was about to turn and walk away from Mike's office when he remembered something.

"By the way if Jessica asks about me, tell her I'll be out for the rest of the day."

"Uh, can't you tell that to Donna—?" Mike started. But Harvey was already out the door.

* * *

Donna ran into Rachel in the hallway as soon as she arrived at the office that morning. She hardly slept last night and though she cried herself to sleep, she masked traces of it this morning. Her face was perfectly made up and her blue dress looked immaculate.

"Donna! You wouldn't believe what happened last night!" squealed Rachel, smiling broadly.

Before Donna could answer, Rachel held out her hand towards her friend. The engagement ring was clearly visible on her finger.

"I got engaged!" she exclaimed.

Donna stared at the ring on Rachel's finger then at her.

"You are?" asked Donna in surprise.

Rachel nodded vigorously.

"Oh Rachel, that's great! Congratulations!"

For a minute, Donna forgot about her problem and hugged her friend. She's glad that Mike finally proposed to her friend.

"Thank you. Gosh, this is all so unexpected, you know," answered Rachel with excitement.

Despite what she's feeling inside, Donna mustered a smile.

"So when's the date?" she asked.

"Oh we haven't set a date yet. We're still thinking about it," replied Rachel.

As much as Donna wanted to hear the details of Rachel's engagement, she had several things to settle.

"Listen Rachel, I'm really happy for you and Mike but I have several things on my plate today that need immediate attention. But you can tell me all about your engagement later, okay?" smiled Donna.

Even though Donna was smiling, Rachel noticed the sadness in her friend's eyes and immediately knew something was wrong.

"Are you okay, Donna? You look like—" Rachel started but Donna cut her off with a gesture and a fake smile.

"I'm fine, Rachel."

Rachel looked closely at her friend. Donna didn't look like she was fine.

"No, you're not. Is there something wrong?" asked Rachel, her face slightly frowning in concern.

Donna wanted to tell her but she couldn't. It wasn't the right time.

"I don't really want to ruin your moment. We can talk about it some other time," said Donna dismissively.

If she stayed there longer she might cry again.

"I gotta go," she quickly said then hurried off towards her cubicle.

Rachel was left wondering about her friend.

At her cubicle, Donna set about making a few phone calls. She was glad that Harvey was nowhere in sight or she would have a hard time doing what she needed to do that day. As soon as the last call was done, she picked up an empty box under her desk and started clearing her things. It took almost all of her strength to not burst into tears, especially when she opened her drawer and saw the can opener inside. Their pre-trial ritual would never be repeated again. She left the can opener inside and closed the drawer. Once the box has been filled with all of her stuff, she picked it up and headed towards Louis' office.

* * *

Jessica just came from a morning meeting with a client and wanted to speak to Harvey. She headed towards Harvey's office but as soon as she saw he wasn't there, she turned and looked for Donna. But she too, wasn't there. Jessica had a lot of things in her mind that morning that she didn't notice Donna's empty desk. Slightly feeling impatient, Jessica went towards Mike's office.

"Where the hell is Harvey?" she asked as soon as she reached Mike's office. The door to Mike's office was wide open so Jessica marched right in.

Mike was busy typing on his laptop but looked up when he heard Jessica.

"Oh hey, Jessica. Harvey said he'll be out for the rest of the day today," answered Mike.

"Did he say where he's going?"

"Uh, no," answered Mike a little sheepishly.

"Well as soon as you heard from him, tell him I'm looking for him."

With that, Jessica turned and went out of Mike's office.

Forty minutes later, Jessica sat at her desk and dialed Harvey's number. She was working on a thin stack of documents but needed to confirm something with Harvey before she makes a final draft of the proposal. After the sixth ring went unanswered, Jessica finally hung up. She took a breath and continued on her work. She'll deal with Harvey later when he gets back. But afternoon came and still there was no sign of Harvey. Jessica was starting to get annoyed. Her calls to him went unanswered. She left him three messages but all of them were also unanswered. On top of that, Harvey eventually turned off his phone.

Meanwhile, Donna was settling in at Norma's old cubicle. Louis handed her a few things to do then left shortly for court. She was standing in front of an open file cabinet arranging folders when Rachel happened to pass by.

"Donna! Are you still helping Louis with secretarial work?" asked Rachel in surprise.

"I thought he's gotten himself a temp by now."

"No, he hasn't," replied Donna, glancing at Rachel.

She continued her work while Rachel glanced at Norma's old work desk. Rachel noticed a few familiar things on the desk.

"Uh, Donna. Why are your things on Norma's desk?" she asked, somewhat perplexed.

"I work here," Donna answered quietly without looking at Rachel.

"What do you mean by-?"began Rachel but stopped short as an idea suddenly dawned on her.

"Oh God, Donna. Don't tell me…?" she asked, her eyes imploring.

It was then that Donna looked at Rachel.

"Yes, Rachel. I work for Louis now," she said with a somber look.

Rachel instantly knew something was wrong – and it must have been big for Donna to take on this drastic measure. She took a step closer to Donna, grabbed the folder from her hand, then shoved it inside the cabinet and shut it quickly.

"Okay. You and me – in the bathroom now! Let's talk," she said briskly, dragging Donna towards the ladies' bathroom. Donna let Rachel lead her towards the bathroom.

As soon as they were inside, Rachel locked the bathroom door. They stood face to face by the bathroom sink.

"Now, tell me what happened. Tell me everything," Rachel coaxed her friend.

Donna proceeded to tell Rachel about what happened between her and Harvey.

"I guess it was pretty stupid of me to fall in love with my boss, huh," finished Donna. She smiled bitterly as her eyes began to tear up.

Rachel looked at her friend in sympathy. She knew Donna slept with Harvey years ago but she never thought it would come to this.

"I shouldn't have fallen for him. I knew it would just end badly," continued Donna.

"Hey, don't say things like that. It's not your fault you fell in love with him," said Rachel, comforting her friend.

"Besides, Harvey should have owned up to it when he told you he loves you. He should have been clear on what he meant when he said that," added Rachel.

"You know, I would have understood if he told me he didn't want a relationship because we work together. Or if he said he loves me only as a friend. I could have accepted that. I just don't understand why he couldn't say it out loud if he really doesn't have feelings for me," said Donna, sniffling.

"Well, maybe he really _does_ have feelings for you. Maybe he really loves you _that _way. You know Harvey. He's not very vocal about his emotions."

Donna shook her head.

"I don't know, Rachel. I prided myself in thinking I know him well enough to know what he's feeling even when he can't express it. But now… I just don't know anymore," replied Donna, her voice tinge with sadness.

"Oh come on, Donna. Give yourself some credit. You have an excellent judgement in character. You practically know people better than themselves."

"Do I? I was wrong about Stephen Huntley, remember? Even _I_ didn't see that coming," countered Donna.

"That was different," insisted Rachel.

Donna could only look at her in despair.

Rachel wished she could help Donna in some way. But right now all she could do was comfort her.

* * *

Finally just after six in the evening, Harvey showed up at the firm. He emerged from the elevator and strolled towards Jessica's office.

"Looking for me?" he said as soon as he entered her office. He didn't notice Louis who was sitting in the corner. Jessica was standing near her desk when he entered.

"Well look who finally decided to show up," remarked Jessica with sarcasm.

"Where have you been?" she asked.

Harvey was in no mood to tell her that he spent most of the day visiting his father's grave and nursing a broken heart. He needed to get away for a while to deal with his problem with Donna. And going to his dad somehow soothed him.

"You don't need to know," he answered coolly.

Jessica stared at him curiously.

"If you don't want to tell me, fine. I asked you and Louis to be here because I want some answers," said Jessica, nodding towards Louis as she leaned on the side of her desk.

That was when Harvey noticed Louis in the background. He suddenly felt a strong animosity towards Louis. He narrowed his eyes at him.

"_You_," he seethed quietly.

"Hey, Harvey," said Louis cautiously. He shifted in his chair. He could sense Harvey's anger towards him and he knew why.

But before Harvey could say anything, Jessica called his attention.

"I left some papers on your desk for you to review as soon as possible. We can discuss it later. But right now, I want to know why Donna is now sitting at Norma's desk. Care to explain about that, gentlemen?" she asked crossing her arms and looking at them.

Harvey refused to answer at first. Louis kept silent as well. There was an awkward silence in the room.

Jessica continued:

"I happened to pass by Norma's cubicle earlier today looking for you, Louis. Imagine my surprise when I saw Donna settling in at Norma's desk. And she wouldn't say a word to me about it. What happened, Harvey?"

"Why don't you ask Louis? After all, he was the one who stole Donna away from me," replied Harvey, his voice filled with anger.

Louis stood up in defense.

"I didn't steal her away from you! She came to me voluntarily."

"Yes, you did! If you didn't give her that idea, she wouldn't have left my desk!"

Louis tried to placate Harvey. Jessica looked at them without a word.

"Look, Harvey. I admit I asked Donna to be my secretary after Norma died. But she initially turned me down."

"And you still went and persuaded her – convinced her to work for you even though she works for me," accused Harvey.

"I didn't do that! I told you. She came to my office and told me she changed her mind."

"But why would Donna suddenly change her mind?" butt in Jessica.

Harvey sucked in his breath. He refused to answer her.

"Well, ask Harvey about that! It's his wrongdoing after all," replied Louis.

"Watch your tongue, Louis," warned Harvey. His patience with him was already wearing thin. He assumed that Donna told Louis about what happened between them.

"What did you do, Harvey?" asked Jessica.

"It's none of your concern," answered Harvey curtly.

"If you didn't pull that shit on Donna, none of this would have happened. She would've stayed with you. This is all on _you_, Harvey. Not on me," said Louis.

Harvey just had it with Louis. His words hit him like a truck. He couldn't control his anger anymore. With a quick move, he punched Louis in the face. Louis was caught off guard and tumbled away.

"Harvey!" chastised Jessica with a disapproving look. She was surprised by his angry burst.

"Aw! What the hell, Harvey?!" Louis managed to say, touching his lower lip where Harvey's fist landed. He was just as surprised as Jessica.

"Stay out of this, Louis! Or you will get more than a punch in the face next time," said Harvey in anger.

With that, Harvey turned and walked out of Jessica's office.

* * *

Harvey strode towards his office and passed by Donna's cubicle. He stopped short when he saw her empty desk. A sharp pang went through his heart. He sucked in his breath and stepped into his dimly lit office. He poured himself a glass of whiskey and sat on the black couch not far from his desk, his back towards the door. Slowly, Harvey let his anger towards Louis ebbed away as he sipped his drink. Deep down he knew it wasn't really Louis' fault. But he couldn't help himself. He felt hurt and angry and had to lash out. And Louis somewhat provoked him. His mind went back to Donna. He now felt a sense of sadness and desperation in him. He didn't want her to go but it looked like she's determined to leave him.

A subtle sound in the hallway interrupted his thoughts. Then he heard the glass door of his office opened. He didn't turn around but he knew it was Donna. He remained seated on the couch staring at his drink. Donna cleared her throat.

"Louis told me you're here," she said quietly.

Donna stood uncomfortably near where he was sitting. She was holding a few pieces of paper in her hand.

There's so much Harvey wanted to tell her but somehow he couldn't. He felt helpless – and speechless. He sat motionless on the couch, not looking at her.

"I just came by to tell you that I already called Human Resources. I arranged for them to give you a temporary replacement for now until…" she trailed off.

Harvey didn't answer. He sipped his drink.

"Anyway, I also have a couple of people I'm recommending as my replacement," she continued.

She strode towards Harvey's desk and placed the papers on the table. Donna's hands slightly shook as she fixed the papers on the desk. Her back was towards Harvey. She closed her eyes for a moment and tried to compose herself. This would be the last time that she would ever enter his office as his secretary. Mustering courage, she turned and faced him.

"Please don't make this harder for us, Harvey," she beseeched him.

Harvey finally looked at her.

"Please don't go," he said hoarsely, his eyes pleading.

Donna's eyes started to tear up. She knew she was hurting him but she was hurting too.

"I have to, Harvey," her eyes now brimming with tears.

Harvey placed the glass of whiskey on a table and stood up.

"I _need_ you here with me," he said softly.

She desperately wanted to believe that. But she knew better.

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" she asked with a bitter smile.

"Look, I didn't mean what I said. I don't pity you, and I'm sorry you thought that way."

"You know, I never thought you could hurt me. But you just did – when you said that," she said looking at him with pain in her eyes.

"Is that really how you think of me? That you pity me because I was stupid enough to get myself into trouble?"

"No, that's not true," he protested.

Harvey felt awful. He regretted those words the minute he said it. But it was too late. He already hurt her.

"I was willing to ignore my feelings for you. For a time, I pushed aside whatever I was feeling and thought that maybe I could get past it. But then, you came to my apartment that night and said you love me. And then I thought that maybe… maybe there's hope for me after all," said Donna, tears trickling down her face.

"But I know now that it meant nothing," she continued, wiping her tears.

"But it _meant_ something! It _does_. Donna… I love _you_ and I want you to stay with me," replied Harvey, his voice now desperate.

"Stay as what, Harvey? As your secretary? As your friend?" she asked.

Harvey struggled to say the right words and explain what he meant but came up with nothing. Donna continued:

"I don't know when you will be ready for a serious relationship. Maybe in ten years' time you will be ready. But I can't wait that long, Harvey. I need to move on with my life. And right now, I'd rather be with someone who I think I can have a future with."

"Donna, please…," Harvey said, his voice breaking.

"I want to forget you, Harvey. And I can't do that if I keep working for you. Please understand that. And who knows… maybe I can come back someday and we can be friends again – when I'm finally over you. But until then… I just can't stay, Harvey."

Wiping the last shred of tears with her fingers, Donna turned and walked out the door.

* * *

Harvey went home devastated. He dumped his suit haphazardly on the couch in his dimly lit living room and sat down. He felt raw and emotional as he thought about the words that Donna said. Harvey wanted to tell her that he loves her more than any woman in the world – and that he means it in the most romantic sense of the word. But he was just too scared to say it. He was scared of losing her if it didn't work out between them. But now… Now he actually lost her. The only woman who mattered most to him.

_I messed up everything_, he thought to himself.

He threw his face in his hands. He felt like he was stabbed a hundred times over. It hurt too much. He didn't know what he'd do without her. Tears welled up in his eyes. For a few minutes he stared at the floor beneath him, his hands still in his face –the silence in his condo deafening him. Then he looked up and saw the small cactus plant that Donna gave him. It was standing by its lonesome on a side table in the far corner of his living room. He stared at it for a while. Then with a renewed sense of purpose, he stood up and went over to it. He picked up the cactus and placed it in his bedroom where he can see it every day when he wakes up.

_I'll give her space. I'll give her time. But I won't give her up without a fight_, he finally said to himself.

Harvey knew it may take some time before he wins back Donna. But he's willing to wait. Until then, he had a cactus to take care of.

xxx


End file.
